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Positive Thinking, Be careful!!

Everywhere we see quotes on Positive Thinking

as being the key for success and more…

First of all, you may wonder what “Success” means to you…

Then observe what “Positive Thinking” means to you…

To my experience, there are two different Positive Thinking.

First definition: Positive thinking 1

Being overly positive and refusing to look at what's not going well has a destructive down side that leads to avoiding the truth. Positive thinking, while it has many personal, social & spiritual benefits, can numb us into a false sense of OK-ness. When we think everything is OK there's no motivation to improve.

Example: Let say your relationship with your partner is so so and you are going away on an trip. You may just remember the good time even tho there were very limited and say to your friends that you had an amazing two weeks holiday. In that case, it is very much suppressing your emotions.


You have to present your project in front of your new boss and clients, you are very afraid but you put that aside and you say “Everything will be fine”, you are then suppressingyour fear and it might be felt by your boss and his clients. Most probably, your presentation will not be smooth.

The Second definition: Positive thinking 2

Positive thinking is a mental attitude in which you expect good and favorable results.

In other words, positive thinking is the process of creating thoughts that create and transform energy into reality. A positive mind waits for happiness, health and a happy ending in any situation.

Example: I have to go to this meeting but it is impossible to park there. I will find a spot for sure.

That being clarified, I worked and studied Positive Thinking and realised that people being overly positive often suppress their emotions. This is a way to escape connecting to your emotions. If you suppress an emotion, you cannot shift the wound in relation with it.

Exemple: Let’s say you are very sad or angry after sharing an experience with someone and instead of being authentic, you keep on smiling and saying “everything is fine”. You, then, keep carry this wound, it is still in you and you trying to make it disappear by burying it (Positive Thinking 1).

If you do that with all your wounds, pains, beliefs and patterns, you still carry them, so one day or an other those will surface and will most probably hurt you even more.

That’s why during my coaching sessions, I explain the importance to separate the positive thinkingin two part.

The importance of being authentic and going deep down with you to look at your shadowsthrough your emotions will help you to create some space within you and therefor freedom. Of course, it is not that simple as we have been conditioned so much to not to connect nor express our emotions. We learned that speaking about our emotions is not proper, is being weak, vulnerable and being vulnerable is not a good thing. Brene Brown’s Ted Talk on Vulnerability is a great way to understand how we, our family, and our society implanted some wrong ideas in our mind and how powerful it can be to be vulnerable. I really recommend you to watch it.

That being said, Positive Thinking 2 is what I call a natural thinking, it is the energy you will put in your thoughts, the energy behind the thought... Exemple: Someone who hates cooking and will try to make a Ratatouille, and just because the energy behind is “I hate that” will most probably prepare the most disgusting Ratatouille ever… And someone who is thinking of how delicious it could be and will wash and cut each vegetable with care and attention will most probably prepare a delicious dish. So why being afraid of saying “I am crap at cooking and I don’t like it” instead of “of course, I will cook for you”.

Being authentic with yourself, connecting with your emotions, your flaws, you wounds is not negative thinking, this is just the truth about who you are now. It doesn’t mean you will never make a good ratatouille and enjoy it, it just mean that today is not the right time.

My goal here is a recommandation to be aware of your thoughts. Do those thoughts come from your mind that is trying to control and hide you true-self or from your heart with a positive energy that will allow space and freedom.

When you have a positive thinking, try to see which one your are connecting with and then observe how to transmute the one that is mind related.

After a while, that becomes a routine and a very pleasant routine, you automatically realise how more free you are by allowing yourself to be authentic on all situations and experiences and how pleasant it is.

Let go of your masks and stop putting to much pressure on you, you do not have to be perfect to please people, especially if at the end you cannot please yourself.

Also, by doing this exercise, you will learn to love yourself to another level and your energy will also be very different as you will accept your wounds and who you are in the beauty of your self.

Wishing you a very authentic day 💗🙏

Virginie Beck-Friis

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